Another Bill Passes, Another Trans Kid Dies; The "Most Progressive Party in American History" Comforts Us with Apathy
Nex Benedict is the latest victim of the right's "trans panic"
I had intended for this article to be about how Evangelicalism almost prevented me from becoming a parent, but then this happened. If you’d like to be notified when that article eventually publishes, please subscribe for free below.
Last year, Oklahoma passed a law that would prohibit transgender students from using the correct restrooms in school. On February 7 of this year, students attacked a transgender student in the bathroom.
Nex Benedict, a non-binary student at Owasso High School in Owasso, OK, died the day after the attack. Whether Nex died from underlying complications of the attack, or if they died of suicide, the result is the same: the trauma induced by hatred killed another child.
At the time of this writing, there are 468 bills filed in the U.S. this legislative year which would negatively impact the transgender community. These same bills often come with a platform for politicians to grandstand in a way which can incite violence. Family after family is put through dehumanizing language, and sometimes even physical violence in public hearings as they attempt to defend the rights of themselves and their loved ones.
I would be lying to you if I said I’ve been an advocate for a long time. The truth is, I didn’t realize how marginalized my community was until I finally admitted I was a member. In January of 2022, I hit the ground running at the Statehouse, having only been out of the closet for 5 months. I literally transitioned in front of the South Carolina General Assembly.
Since that time, I’ve met some wonderful advocates, and made some life-long friends. I have seen more “Christlike” behavior out of the LGBTQIA+ community than I ever experienced in a church. What we all collectively felt at the Statehouse was the same: we need to move Republicans with our stories, and the Democrats have our backs.
Wow - were we wrong. One thing we were right about was that the Republicans would continue to try to kill us year after year, but I was genuinely shocked by the Democrats’ ability to stand by and watch it happen.
All through 2022, I saw hearing after hearing, debate after debate, where a disturbing number of the people who were supposed to be protecting us often completely butchered the truths of our existence. “I heard about one instance…” was sometimes weighted the same as a collection of studies, testimonies, and real data. I begged some of the other advocates to help me get some face time with Democratic lawmakers so we could fill them in on the facts they got wrong.
“The lobbyists said we’d need money to get that kind of meeting with them” one of the advocates said.
Later that year, I found myself in the gallery of the South Carolina House. Up for debate was a bill which would ban transgender youth from playing school sports. The Democrats attempted to filibuster the bill by putting forward some 1,000 amendments in a last-ditch attempt to stall the bill and force them to table it. A brief recess was called in the middle of the night during debate, and I saw some lobbyists get up and leave the gallery as well. When they returned, one of them put their hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
Rep. John King approached the podium and began speaking about how much he cared for and supported the transgender community - his entire speech spent with his eyes locked on me. I was the most outwardly “trans-looking” person in the gallery at the time. He then said they had done all they could, and he was sorry. He then called that the remaining amendments be withdrawn, and the bill passed with some Democrats voting in favor of it.
“I’m not a dog, and I refuse to settle for table scraps…”
I felt so dirty. I felt like I had just been used - against my will - as a public spectacle so a politician could gain some brownie points with his voters. I later learned that the reason he withdrew the amendments was because a deal had been struck with Republicans, and transgender rights were traded in exchange for keeping another bill off of the docket.
I attended a local Democratic Party meeting where someone yelled transphobic comments about transgender people, and the response from the meeting organizer was “everyone’s voices should be heard.”
“What is worse than evil? The inaction of good people.”
In 2023, three Democrats introduced a uniform non-discrimination bill that would offer protections not just for transgender people, but the entire LGBTQIA+ community, as well as people of color. Off we went again to the lobby to talk to legislators about the bill that was undoubtedly going to save lives. I took a moment to speak with Rep. Spencer Wetmore, a Democrat, about the bill. When I asked her if she would be willing to sponsor it, she said “I don’t know.” While I don’t recall her reasoning for hesitating, I remember wondering how someone could be opposed to a bill which would protect the citizens of the state. She never signed onto the bill as a sponsor.
I sat on the porch at my friend’s house one day, and when I expressed my frustration and anger over the fact that I have lost rights, and yet the most I seem to get from my President is that he “has our backs.” My friend all but screamed at me how President Biden’s recognition of our community and his vocal support of it is huge. They spouted off the numbers and the talking points, and leaned in and said, “sorry if that’s not enough for you!”
I’m not a dog, and I refuse to settle for table scraps from an apathetic party that refuses to protect me. What is worse than evil? The inaction of good people.
I know there are advocates that have been at this for decades. I have no idea how they’ve managed to do it that long, but I am tired. I have put my absolute everything into advocacy over the past two years, and yet we have only regressed. Based on the email addresses of people subscribed to this very blog, I am pretty sure at least one or two of them are alt-right extremists who want to keep tabs on me. It’s soul-crushing work to just try to stay alive in the current political climate.
I was almost ready to give up. There will always be advocates to pick up the slack, so why not let them? Right after having that thought, my friend and PFLAG sister Jessicka called me. We cried together, laughed together, and lamented together in our weariness as we try to navigate the chaos that is our current legislative system, parenting, and still holding down full-time jobs. This helped me realize that there’s more to advocacy than just stopping or advancing bills: there’s the community you build.
As I said before, I have seen more examples of the Evangelical Jesus in these advocacy circles than I have ever seen in a church. These bonds are strong, our stories are impossible to ignore, and together, we are more than the sum of our parts. We are powerful together, and we take care of each other.
Many, MANY members of the Democratic Party need to start putting their actions where their words are and actually start trying to save trans people’s lives. Until they do, or until this moral panic fades, we will persist, we will protect each other, and we will lead with love.
And to any anti-trans people who may be reading this: get to know a trans person before you form any opinions about us. Sure, we can seem strange, but I promise we are just people like you.
Love you all.